His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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