Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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