Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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