Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
