she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
