I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
