I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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