almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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