I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
