Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
