Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
