Umm I'm too high to move.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
