I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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