just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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