you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
