the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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