Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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