I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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