I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
