Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So many bounce houses so little time
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
