hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
