He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
