Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
