Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
