I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
