Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
