She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
