I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I could fuck to npr.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
