I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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