did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
