we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
