He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
