I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
