I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
