what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
