I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
