Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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