We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
