we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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