man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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