He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
