I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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