loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
