well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
