Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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