Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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