I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
not ubering you a puppy
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
