If i come over, it means nothing
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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