Jerry, you need to find god
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
