using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
