He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Houston, we have a blender
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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