Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
