It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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