I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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