Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
