I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
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I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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