soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
