vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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