Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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