After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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