well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
