The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
