Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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