dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize