Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
