So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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