Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
