She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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