i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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