I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
