is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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