I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
