Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You are the jesus of drinking
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
FUCK WHALES
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
