This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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