did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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