fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
