Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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